http://pandagon.net/2007/04/11/but-tell-us-how-you-really-feel
This post and the corresponding comment threads made me want to write something down. Not being happy with your significant other looking at porn doesn't automatically mean that you absolutely hate your body, or that you're a controlling meany, or that you're just being hysterical because you don't have the emotional grounding rod that is the almighty penis. You could just be hurt that even though you are "in the mood" almost all the time, your partner only wants sex about twice a week, but will look at porn at a comparable, if not higher, rate. It hurts especially when you've tried to initiate sex, got turned down (which on it's own wouldn't be anything), and then catch your partner looking at porn while you're in the kitchen making dinner for the two of you.
A good, long, productive talk would probably be a great thing in this situation. Unfortunately, it's not always that easy. You don't want to seem controlling or crazy; you don't want to hurt his feelings with a harsh comment; you don't want to know everything, even when you do; so you don't always say what you're thinking, what you really, really want to say. Because you've got to consider his feelings, even though it doesn't seem like he's doing the same for you. So, you end up with a conversation that doesn't really solve everything for you. Given time, you think up very good things to say, but it's not really a conversation that you can just pull out of the air without seeming accusing or way too suspicious. So it just sits there, scratching at your brain, bugging the hell out of you.
Possibly a more coherent post later.
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